Finding a flow-state in a mundane world

What stopped me

My other blog is called Cauldron. Writing can create a magical space separate from reality. pagan sometimes call this liminal space. It lies on the border between order and chaos. Chaos is scary. Monsters live there, and walling them off lets us build things, cultures, and people[children]. Order is required for such things. Children need to know they’re safe from the world and that they are protected. They need skills that make doing the basics of care easy and mindless. That gives them the confidence to go forth from the nest and create for themselves. Without basic structures in place, that doesn't happen. When all a child has is chaos, they have to figure out what to hang on to or drown. Some of us created rafts.

It's only in the last ten years that I’ve felt consistently grounded. My father was mostly not around. When he was, he generated chaos. My mother worked, and I spent hours alone in front of the TV. I learned no skills and had little in the way of responsibility. I read a lot, and dreamed a lot. The best time was when I could wake without an alarm and drift in that hazy state that borders sleep. This is when we experience theta waves. Being productive while in theta, or even alpha is being in a flow state.

This brain state - where we access guides, ancestors, and deities - stands in contrast mundane space. We cannot drift much in mundane space or we burn dinner, fall off ladders, and neglect the children. Pagan festivals give us a chance to spend extended period in liminal spaces like all night drum circles and retreat spaces. But we can’t live there. Many Pagans struggle in mundane space. I’ve known so many who struggle to pay the bills and keep their homes in order. But even those of us that function effectively in the world outside the circle or festival can find ourselves longing for that place of magic and connection.

It’s nearly impossible to keep swimming in the cauldron when the kids, or boss, are screaming, and bookkeeping (my personal nemesis) is looming. For the first few years of attending Rites of Spring, I would return home feeling torn and saddened. At the closing ritual, we were invited to take the magik back out into the world, and that just seemed so impossible.

But I kept working on it and it's gotten better.

I realized that many of the things I struggled with, that pulled me out of a happy place - let alone creative theta space - were things that I didn’t know how to do that were necessarily done daily and weekly: cooking, cleaning and straightening up, paying bills and minding a budget. I hadn’t learned to do any of those things. Which is the down side of having no parent at home. Even my Mennonite babysitter didn't teach me how to DO anything. She was thrilled that I could play quietly alone in a side room. That's still my strongest ‘skill.’

However, not having those skills kept me from the dream state. My blood sugar would get low and I’d feel like crap. It’s hard to be creative when you feel like crap. Or I’d worry about the things I wasn’t getting done. It’s hard to be creative when you’re worried the IRS will come after you.

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But once married, I slowly started to gain those skills and in the process, two things happened. First, I’ve been able to sacralize some of those activities. Food has been my main focus, and examining how my connection to the great unseen relates to what I put in my mouth has been an exercise in expanding connections. How much more grounded can you get than food? But food is easy compared to bookkeeping which I really do not enjoy. But then again, I didn’t enjoy cooking when I started either.

Second, making them easy, even when they don’t feel sacred, means that the mini disasters of low blood sugar, or an unhappy partner don’t happen because I’ve gotten the job DONE.

Living on the southern coast of CT used to feel like a hostile environment. Money is important here, and connection often takes a back seat to collapsing on the couch after a long day of gainful employment. But our our ancestors lived in hostile environments. Is my suburban environment more hostile than the Arctic? Or the Amazon? Or any other open landscape?

Tribal peoples needed skills if they were going to survive. But their environment was such that they also needed to have access to a flow of connection. They had to read the air and water to know what weather might be coming because weather could kill. They had to notice when a predator was stalking them and to spot edible and medicinal plants. That mental state is much closer to a flow state. According to psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, when any activity is executed at a high level of skill and challenge, flow transforms into ecstasy.

I don’t need to feel ecstasy every day, but a bit more wouldn’t hurt, and flow is always good. High functioning people often experience a flow state. For that, I need skills, although the skills I need to get through my day smoothly are different from those of my Ancestors. I can get by not knowing the best technique for turning a hide into leather, or how to cut and bale hay - although I do enjoy reading about, and sometimes experimenting with such things. But I do need to know how to keep track of money, how to communicate with cranky people, and people who I never see in person, how to manage time, how to drive really well, and myriad other things required by my fast-paced environment.

With each thing that I learn to do well, I have a better sense of flow, and a better connection with the unseen around me. By learning the skills of the kitchen, I can get back to the cauldron.

If you’re curious about Paganism/Heathenism/Wicca/Druidry, please feel free to message me and I’ll be happy to answer questions.

Selina Rifkin, M.S. [Nutrition], LMT, has been Pagan since she was 14 [which was a long time ago] and been to Hades in a handbasket. More than once. This has given her some opinions. She has direct communication with her gods and they’ve always given her answers when she asks. [One does have to ask.] Like most of her generation [X] she’s okay with snark. Most days she tries for good writing. But the snark, and side comments creep in. Be warned.

Pagan Organizations

Cherry Hill Seminary

Sacred Well Congregation